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Last night I was so filled with emotion, revealing such deep and dark questions to God. It was the whole death thing. Why, where, what's going on? Watching my poor Fuzzy. Why can't he stay forever. I have such a hard time with losing someone.

These days it seems we live longer but die slower. I got to think about all the people I've known and how there not here anymore. I mean, why leave the body? Is it like putting away the winter stuff, not needing it anymore? Why don't we last forever? Our bodies - born to grow, but then we regress back into a helpless infant.

How is it that the one event we know with absolute certainty will occur is still one we dance around? Most of us have a pretty good idea about how we want to die: at home, at peace, quickly, with family, without pain. And at a ripe old age.

I still look at death as not being pretty. My generation is now into its middle ages. I also found out a couple of weeks ago that my high school bully just passed on. I've forgotten alot about her disposition, but I still remember certain things. Like for some reason, when I want to re-act to someone who’s been hateful, I kind of turn into her. I wonder if she knew she had that effect. But I refuse to give her the benefit. That's my prerogative.

I cried last night for my Fuzz. I’m crying as I write this. Let Fuzzy go lightly at home, at peace, quickly, with family, without pain. And at a ripe old age.

I love you my little FuzzWuzz.